Catch up

Well, hello there! I skipped last week’s notes because I was in a terrible mood.

I ended up getting the job at Autodesk that I applied for last month. And oh boy, I knew by the end of the first day that I had to quit. I actually lasted four full days before I handed in my notice.

There was a weekend in the middle of those four days, and–good lord–I couldn’t settle at all on Sunday. My heart raced, my brain shut down, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t focus. I sat on the sofa, stared into the middle-distance vaguely in the direction of the TV, and panicked about going back to work on Monday. I hadn’t felt that Sunday Fear for years.

I’d promised myself that I’d never take another job that made me feel that way. And feeling that way again helped me realise I had to quit to save my life.

I’m never going to rant about the details online. That’s too shitty, even for me. But I’ll need to figure out a way of getting it all off my chest soon otherwise I’m going to explode.

Anyway, my last day at Autodesk will be this Tuesday coming up. And that’s the end of that.

Time to wake up

2024 was my worst year on record for self-employment. I found only a couple of months’ worth of work, and I couldn’t negotiate a rate anywhere close to what I earned five years ago. Even when I was working, my rent and bills outstripped my income. I lost money every single month this year.

I dread to look at my invoices to get the details, but I know my income this year has been thousands of pounds. Not tens of thousands. Just thousands.

My business is dead. I’ve got £7.85 left, and that’s it.

I don’t have anything funny to say about it. I can’t even bring myself to be self-defensively self-deprecating. All I can do is recall the faces and voices of every asshole five years ago who told me I’d never make it on my own, and it kills me that I proved them right. I feel less than human.

So, how’s the (new) job hunt going?

I don’t want to curse it, but… I’m quietly hopeful.

A local company reached out last month to see if I was interested in a chat. I looked them up online, and holy shit; they’re a brilliant little team doing brilliantly good things for the planet. Fuck yes, I was interested! But I was already on the cusp of starting at Autodesk, so I turned them down rather than waste their time.

Anyway, early last week we happened to reconnect. Right place, right time and all that. I got an HR interview on the same day. I got a technical interview on the day after. And tomorrow, I’ll be visiting the office for a third and final interview.

Forgetting about money for a moment, this job would be really good for me. Contributing to a team like this would heal a lot of holes in my soul, I reckon. And as for the money: I have no idea. We haven’t discussed it at all. It might be great! It might be terrible. As long as I can pay the rent, though, I’m more than happy enough.

Travels

On the day before I started at Autodesk, I spent the day walking circuits around Exmouth.

Exmouth’s Christmas tree’s up!

Heydays

The venue formerly known as Mickey’s Beach Bar, owned then sold by our local celebrity chef Michael Caines, will reopen in December as Heydays!

I’ve applied for a ticket to the launch party, so wish me luck!

I really liked Mickeys. It was cosy and relaxed, and none of it–as far as I could tell–needed refurbishment. I know the new owner wants to put their own personality into it, but I hope it doesn’t change too much.

Storm Bert

Storm Bert landed in Exmouth this weekend, and it was glorious! I didn’t get knocked on my ass. Nearly, but try better next time, Bert.

Exmouth Sea Wall

Earlier this year, Exmouth’s sea wall started crumbling.

The council had to cut off a huge swath of the cycle and footpaths and beach to repair it, but they didn’t want to kill the summer tourist season. So, they rushed some emergency repairs ahead of tourists arriving, and now that summer’s been and gone, they’re back to finish it.

Technology

I wrote a PowerShell script for the first time in years!

Hell, I haven’t really even used Windows for a few years now.

I don’t love Windows, but I’d forgotten how much I enjoy PowerShell!

Games

Wilmot Works It Out is really, really, really nice. Wilmot’s Warehouse got a bit too stressful for me in the end, but Wilmot Works It Out is just a beautiful little jigsaw game and I never want it to end.

Crafts

I’ve been craving a physical hobby–something I can do with my hands–for ages now. I need something I can do away from my computer.

I fancied learning to cross stitch, and so I am!

I took the train up to Digby & Sowton to drop in on my local Hobbycraft, and this “love” kit seemed to strike a good balance between “something I’d actually put on the wall” versus “not too complicated while I’m figuring it out.”

I reckon it’s going alright! I’m absolutely loving the physicalness and mindfulness of it. It’s relaxing and rewarding, and it heals a part of me I didn’t realise was broken.

Music

I wasn’t blessed by a great New Music Friday on Apple Music, but I did discover:

• Måneskin - GOSSIP ft. Tom Morello
• StevenMix’ cover of Gravestone Without Date from Evangelion 3.0+1.0
• We’re Not Candy
• at the airport terminal made me feel an emotion I couldn’t explain, and made Alex cry but they couldn’t describe why. I’m not sure what this means.

Also, I want a ResoLute for Christmas.

Video

Every week, I watch a little bit more Helluva Boss. And every week, I regret my vitriol for the first episode. It’s still not as consistently good at Hazbin Hotel, but they both hit the same emotional peaks – and Helluva’s tragedies are the most.

Also:

• James May describes the transfem experience
• We Tracked Every Visitor to Epstein Island
• We tried hiking 3 days to Britain’s most remote pub
• AtomicShrimp is one of the loveliest YouTubers, and his video all about my local Budleigh Salterton beach’s rocks is peaceful and beautiful and I’d do anything for this man.
• Speaking of lovely YouTubers, I’ve been marathoning Steve Marsh. I just let his channel auto-play while I cross-stitched. I wouldn’t blame anyone for being suspicious of yet another travel vlogger, but trust me: Steve’s good. Like, really good.
• If you’ve seen Hazbin Hotel and you’re interested in foley production and audio themes, Hazbin Hotel Behind The Scenes: Sound Factoids is incredible.

Reading

I finished Look Up, Handsome and Awfully Ambrose. My reviews are on BookWrym if you’re interested, but they’re both bloody solid romances. Easy five stars all around!

Perturbations

• My landlord still hasn’t fixed my boiler.
• My landlord still hasn’t fixed my fire alarm.
• My self-employment business can’t afford to pay me a salary next month.

The week ahead

• Job interview on Monday. Wish me luck!
• Exmouth’s Winter Festival on Saturday. See you there?